Candy is Dandy
by jaded river hussie
Summary: While giving out candy in Eureka, Claudia discovers that she and Isaac have differing opinions on what makes a trick-or-treater deserving of treats. Clarrish - Claudia/Parrish


**Disclaimer:** I don't any of the characters nor anything else related to either show, nor anything mentioned from pop culture.

**A/N:** This crackship is my drug. My headcanon is that Parrish's pet name for Claudia would be "Princess" because he knows about FarGames and Fortress 13 (and he happened upon this information by questionable means). Previously posted on tumblr.

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"Trick or treat!"

"What's pi to the 31st digit?"

"Parrish!"

He groans inwardly, rolling his eyes, because Claudia only calls him by his last name when she's indignant or issuing a serious warning to him. He gives her a look that's a mix of exasperation and boredom. "What? They're five, they should know this."

The older child dutifully answers, "3.1415926535897932384626433832 795."

Parrish looks at the other child. "Did he have to round for that?"

The younger one shakes their head, "No."

Parrish smiles, and holds out the bowl of candy. "Two pieces each. And don't forget to tell your friends: we do not reward those who don't do their school work and/or losers at Dr. Parrish's house. Or those with IQs below 130."

"Isaac." Claudia cuts her eyes at him, snatching the bowl of candy from him and shoving him out of the way. She forces a smile at the kids still standing on the front stoop. "Every trick or treater will get candy here. We do not discriminate. Happy Halloween!"

"My house, my rules," Parrish states as Claudia closes the door and glares at him. "It's never too early to learn that you have to work for some things that you want in life; too much of the younger generations walk around with this sense of entitlement and believe that they should just be given what they want whenever they want it."

Claudia gives him a blank stare. "So you're trying to teach them a valuable life lesson?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I'm trying to do," He says, attempting to reach into the candy bowl which Claudia holds away from him. "Besides, this is Eureka; if a kid can't rattle off pi to the 100th digit around the time they're potty-trained, well, it's like the equivalent of being a Squib. They have no place in this town and they might as well be shipped off to be raised by relatives that are also just of average intelligence as early as possible. It'll make everyone's lives easier."

She can hear everyone's baffled voices at the Warehouse in her head asking, 'Why are you friends with him?' And she hates to think what their reactions would be if they found out that there's this weird…_thing_between her and Isaac and that they're kinda dating — okay, they're totally dating — but that they're more like frenemies and even she questions what's going on inside of her head on a daily basis.

She shakes her head. "We are not withholding candy from children. As long as they say 'trick or treat,' they get a treat."

Parrish makes a face then he considers her comment. "And if an adult says it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Would I get a treat?"

"Are we…still talking about candy?"

"Oh, Princess," he drawls, a mischievous grin on his face. "What else would we be talking about?"

Claudia regards him with suspicion because she did not just meet him and he's got that _look_ in his eyes, like he's just itching to reach out and touch her and there's not supposed to be any funny business because they're giving out candy. _Only_giving out candy. She clears her throat and cocks an eyebrow. "And what have you done to deserve it?"

He points a finger at her, "Aha! It's a double standard that you would just give candy to kids but not to me."

"You give them candy as a reward for wearing costumes and saying 'trick or treat!'" She huffs. "See, they do have to work for it, it's not just a freebie so screw your self-entitlement spiel! And if you were wearing a costume, going door to door, maybe you would get candy too. If it wasn't weird for a grown man to be trick or treating."

Parrish crosses his arms. "Unless they're taking their spawn with them?"

"Yes."

He uncrosses his arms and looks her over. "Huh. So, if I were to knock on your door, say, dressed as a Jedi Knight, at the very least, I'd get candy, correct?"

"Candy is all that you would get," Claudia says resolutely. The doorbell rings, interrupting their conversation.

The next ten minutes or so are filled with a steady stream of kids coming to the door and Claudia handing out candy, cutting her eyes at Parrish and silencing him anytime the words "what's," "how," "when," or "if" start to leave his mouth, directed towards the trick or treaters.

Parrish peeks over her shoulder out the front door to see no one coming down the walk way. "What if I dressed as Han Solo?" Claudia closes the door and turns to face him. "Don't tell me you've never wanted to be Princess Leia."

Claudia wriggles away and sets down the candy bowl "If you're picturing me in chains and a gold bikini, you can stop because none of it is going to happen. Ever."

He shrugs. "Well, chains weren't a part of the mental image I had, but now that you mention it, Princess, it might spice things up a little. Or we could just use your electro-cuffs."

She's taken aback by that suggestion. "Wow, that is a kink that I didn't even know existed." The entire thought finishes processing and she shakes her head, appalled. "Stop ruining the childhood innocence of Halloween with your dirty thoughts!"

"Oh, you like my dirty thoughts, Princess," he teases. "Hey! Next year we should do something as a couple. _If_we're still together. I can come to Univille and we can throw a costume party at the B&B. You could be the Penny to my Captain Hammer." Parrish slides closer to her, placing his hand on her lower back. "You know, the hammer is his—"

"I know what the hammer is for him." Claudia smirks and adds, "Don't know what it would be for you."

He places his free hand over his heart and pouts. "Oh, you wound me, Princess."

"You'll get over it."

"Already am." He inches a little closer to her and and starts to lean in for a kiss when the doorbell rings. "We don't have to get that, do we?"

Claudia just smiles, picking up the bowl and shoving it at him.

Parrish sighs, rolling his eyes, and goes back to the door.

A few hours later, well after all the trick or treaters have returned home and taken off their costumes and there are only a dozen or so pieces of candy left in the bowl, Parrish retires to his room alone, despite his best efforts to coax Claudia into joining him, as she goes to the guest room.

He'd be lying if he said that he wasn't expecting the knock on his bedroom door and it causes him to smile because he knew that she wouldn't be able to stay away. They don't see each other that often and as much as she tries to pretend, she knows as well as he does that there's more to them than either of them let on. Claudia's standing in the hallway, wearing a robe, twirling one end of the tied sash around her fingers. He can't stop the smug grin from forming on his face. "Princess?"

She takes a deep breath, untying the sash. "Trick? Or treat?"

"Both."


End file.
